I secretly cried in the toilet on Friday. Huge, gulping silent sobs. And I can't tell anyone.
I know I am paid less than my two male colleagues but my job description is slightly altered to accommodate this. Let me explain why I appear to have accepted this for so long. I love my job. There are no benefits associated with my job, but I've loved it for 6 years now.
The company I work for offers the following benefits:
A company mobile (blackberry/iphone)
A company ipad
A company car
A company fuel card
One of my colleagues has a blackberry has done for the two years he's worked there. I didn't get one. His job role doesn't require it, and he spends most of his time (that I can see) on it organising his personal life. Six months ago, I got a consolation prize - the manager of one of our regional offices was retiring and I got his Blackberry. But I only used it when travelling to our regional/European offices as I'm required to do.
Two weeks ago I was asked to give it back. For the new guy to have it. He's also getting an ipad (apparently we can "share" this). Oh, and they've given him a company car - apparently he'll need it for visiting clients.
So I have been bumped down the ladder. Not officially. But I am supposed to visit our European offices on a regular basis. I will be getting the train to and from the airport from now on. Taxi's, if no train is available. I'm going to do this because I have no need of a company car.
But this is background. This isn't what finally sent me to the toilet to deal with my frustration.
I was asked to provide the new guy with a fuel card. So he gets the full set. Still not wholly the reason I sat on a closed toilet with silent screams of frustration. The new guy got all this because he's a guy. There is an unofficial rumour that the MD will not appoint any more female managers, and hasn't done for over 2 years. There are 12 male directors, and one female director in our organisation who's been there since almost the start. And no promotion from within, the only way to be higher up the chain is to join the business from outside.
So I'm stuck, and feel physically sick at the thought of spending another day plastering a smile of my face and picking up all the bits they can't do "because I'm so much better at it". Somewhere along the line helpful teamworker became doormat.
But, I have been proactive. I have updated my CV and uploaded it to the same website where this job found me. I hope that it can work it's magic for me again.