Yesterday was slightly better. I didn't feel physically sick as I walked in. The day passed slowly, I spent most of time trying to focus, with limited success. Mostly I noticed the time and how far away from five o'clock it was.
One of the few other female managers came round, she is often joking that it can only be a few years before the MD retires and things may change. So she's holding on in there, saying "she's been here 12 years already, the redundancy will be worth it". I don't have the heart to tell her it probably won't. It'll be more like statutory redundancy pay, which is peanuts.
But this day she asked how I was, and I answered by telling her that I'd had better years, she immediately sat down. Because I've known this person for so long, I believe I trust her, so I told her about my breakdown on Monday and she said, that's uncanny. I did the same thing yesterday!
We went to get a coffee and commandeered the meeting room.
She was feeling remarkably similar to me. Except they've told her that he job will be split with a new manager. Who will be a man. But they don't appear to be able to recruit one. So she's in limbo, not knowing which bits will be her job in the future, or how things will change when a new manager comes in. I could see and hear the same frustration in her that I feel.
We commiserated with each other, decided we would set up a support group, and carried on with our day. But it's nice to know that maybe I'm not going mad and jumping at shadows.
I was too tired to update this last night, which means that on the plus side, I managed to get some sleep last night.